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Its 1972, I'm around eleven years old- I'm in a working mans' club somewhere in the north and we'd just played a set.This particular night we get told not to come out of the dressing room during the next performance as it was unsuitable for kids to see.So of course I sneak out onto the balcony.I remember peering down at the stage.I can still see the scene now in my minds eye.Theres this woman singer on stage-she is gorgeous-long blonde hair, full lips,long lashes-a skintight silver dress that leaves nothing to the imagination.Damn shes hot.I may be eleven but-well, you know.

After a number she asks which guy would like to come onstage and kiss her-the crowd are going crazy "ME! NO ME!!!" eventually she chooses some jammy bugger and up he goes-man I bet he cant believe his luck-the kiss turns into a full blown snog and everyone is drunk and cheering and all that.All I can think about is-I wish it was me.Well the guy goes back triumphantly into the audience and the sexy blonde starts singing her next number-she starts stripping-oh man-this gonna be great.Nobody has spotted the wide eyed kid on the balcony-my heart starts to race- off come her over the elbow gloves, singing all the while..off comes the hair-uh oh-out come the plastic boobs-oh shit! the fake lashes get peeled off and discarded..well by the time she gets to the last chorus 'she' is a short haired,gravel voiced man-aarrgh!! holy cow!-I cant believe it and judging by the noise, the crowd weren't expectin it either.Sheesh-I always wonder what the guy from the audience must have felt like and also marvelled at the fact that the tranny didn't get decked-it was a northern working mens club after all-it sure as shit wasn't Madam Jojo's in Soho.

Well I'm just remembering some of the gigs I played as a kid you understand.Self indulgent I know but what the hell.

Laters..HB

5 hour drive to the gig-the satnav proves an invaluable investment-certainly beats trying to drive thro the west end of London with a map on your lap like last time..load time 6pm..cool venue-that British 'smell of pub' as you walk in-not too big,not too small-monster pa with bass bins you could walk into.Sound check.Jonny (Honkeyfinger) arrives fresh from the London train and soundchecks-looks really weird seein ol' Honkey playin thro my gear-sounds awesome mind.The owner asks if we're going out-we wonder why he asks until he thrusts some flyers into our hands!-so honkeyfinger n' hollowbelly find themselves wandering incongruously through a seaside town handing out flyers like we're in Ibiza an' trying to stay a while longer..We end up drinkin guinness in a bar -Jonny knows the owner.We drift back to the venue-at 10pm there are 5 people there and I'm one of 'em.I resign myself to playin the gig everyones played at one time or another-but at 11.15 it starts to fill-I play to say 50 or so-its about a third full-they cheer an I have to go back on at the end of me set and do another-I play ' I think Im coming home' as an encore-very very warm reception.The place finally fills as the beer festival crowd move in from downtown and Honkeyfinger hits the stage-the crowd dance like crazed forest imps as honkey conjoures up his sonic skronk magic from his plethora of pedals and blues detritus-superb.The owner apologises about it not being full when I went on, but hey, thems the strokes for the support.I go upstairs to crash about 3am.-the noise from the streets below has to be heard to be believed-I lie butt naked an sweatin on a matress that feels like it has rocks instead of springs in it-some guy I dont know is snoring on a matress on the other side of the room-sleep impossible-female shrieks,male threats, the sound of breaking pint glasses, car horns all rise up thro the 3rd floor window from the street below.Sodom and gomorah soundtrack..I lie there reflecting on humanity and the romance of being on the road (!) Dawn breaks I sleep-at 6am I get up feelin absurdly refreshed,resolving to make a move-pack up me gear, get paid and as Honkeyfinger sleeps the owner gets me to sign the wall alonside the other bands signatures from past gigs-most of whom I recognise-the punkblues scene is a small one for sure..satnav my way home way out west and crash into bed, wake up 3pm stinkin stale and have a shower..ahhh the romance of the road boys, the romance..

from (2)

tales from a long road..

the romance of the road..

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