It's here! New and improved GUITAR QUADRAMULADROITECS, without which all of your stringed
lutelike instruments---from the cream of the crop beauties being hand-sculpted at the Tsing-Jian
Fender Guitars Factory & Chow Mein Refinery, down to those useless cigar box "guitars" being
churned out by chronic malcontents and affiliated hooligans---yes, ALL of your instruments, are
completely and utterly USELESS!!!
You NEED it now! You must, absolutely MUST, have the NEW! AND! IMPROVED! GQRLD-TEC!
If you don't, then you are not only a total and abject loser, you're probably also some sort of
goddamned terrorist. At least that's what your neighbors and family will think. In fact, if you don't
order within the next fifteen minutes, we're calling the cops. I mean, really, it's not like the FBI doesn't
already have people watching you, you stinking anti-American Jihadi. Order our product, and it will
look good in your file... or else!
PO Box 666 Mammon, Mississippi 38769