A duck walks into a hardware store and asks the manager:
- "Got any fresh fruit?"
- ummm "No." this is a hardware store .. we sell hardware stuff .
- "Got any fresh oranges or apples ?"
- "No.! I just told you , this is a hardware store .
The next day, the duck returns:
- "Got any fresh fruit?"
- "No." !!!!
- "Got any oranges or apples ?"
- "No.!!!! I told you yesterday, we don’t sell that stuff here ! and If you come back tomorrow and ask me the same question, I'll nail your flippers to the floor so you get the hint !!!"
the next day, the duck walks in and asks:
- "Got any nails?"
- "NO!!!!."
- "Got any fresh fruit?"
this is just one of those lil jokes that stick with ya .. you may find yourself chuckling about it in an hour from now .. even rehearsing it later tonight .. not sure why , or what it is about this joke ,, but its addictive .. so i thought i'd share .
you can thank me or blame me later
Tags:
almost soiled ma pants, thanks buddy!
Little Martin is four years old. One day while he was pestering his mother, she said, "Why don't you go across the street and watch the builders work, maybe you will learn something."
Martin was gone about two hours. When he came home, his mother asked him what he had learned. Martin replied - "Well first you put the goddamn door up. Then the son of a bitch doesn't fit so you have to take the cock sucker down. Then you have to shave a bee’s dick off each side and put the bastard back up."
Martin's mother said, "Wait until your father gets home."
When Martin's father got home, Martin's mum told him to ask Martin what he had learnt today. When Martin told him the whole story, dad said, "Martin, go outside and get me a switch." Martin replied, "Get fucked. That's the electrician's job."
a very christian husband and wife were shopping , and saw a frozen fish product called "shitty fish " . the woman was shocked at first , but the husband just assured her it was a fluke in an actual name . simular to "spotted dick " etc .. and they should be more understanding of it .
so they relaxed and figured they try the fish , so they bought it , and took it home .
later , at the dinner table , the husband says to the wife .. "please pass the shitty fish ".
.... the 16 year old son piped up and said """ ALLRIGHT DAD !!!! WHOO HOOO ! :-D ....
PASS THE FUCKIN POTATOES !!!
;-)
A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big
"everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The
Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."
Well, the boss was unsure,
but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him
a shot, so he gave him the
job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after
we close and see how you
did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After
the
store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. "How many
customers bought something from you today?"
The kid frowns and looks
at the floor and mutters, "One".
The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales
people average sales to 20 to 30
customers a day. That will have to change,
and soon, if you'd like to
continue your employment here. We have very
strict standards for our sales force
here in Florida. One sale a day might
have been acceptable in North
Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore,
son."
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so
the boss
felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked
(semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid
looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".
The astonished boss says,
"$101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "Well, first,
I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold
him a new fishing rod to go with
his new hooks. Then I asked him where he
was going fishing and he said down
the coast, so I told him he was going to
need a boat, so we went down to the
boat department and I sold him a twin
engine Chris Craft. Then he said he
didn't think his Honda Civic would pull
it, so I took him down to the
automotive department and sold him that 4x4
Expedition."
The boss
said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a
boat and a
TRUCK!?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his
wife, and I
said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go
fishing.........'"
lol
A man walks into a pharmacy and tells the salesgirl that he's looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him to the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?"
"You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper. So, I figure, if I have to roll my own, so does she."
ha XD
Fair is fair.
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice in
reviving her husband's libido.
'What about trying Viagra?' asked the
doctor.
"Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an
aspirin.'
'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish
Viagra'. It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even
taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things
went.'
It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who
directly inquired as to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith,
bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!'
' Really ?
What happened?' asked the doctor.
'Well, I did as you advised and
slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight
up, with a twinkle in his eye and with His pants a-bulging fiercely! With one
swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to
tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a
nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'
'Why so terrible?' asked
the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't
good?'
'Sweet jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But
sure as I'm sittin here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks
again!'
XD
Started by Rich Butters in Building Secrets, Tips, Advice, Discussion. Last reply by Crazed Fandango 17 hours ago. 4 Replies 0 Likes
Started by Southern Ray in Other stuff - off topic, fun stuff, whatever. Last reply by BrianQ. 20 hours ago. 2 Replies 0 Likes
Started by J. D. Woods in Performances, How to Play, Lessons, Concerts. Last reply by J. D. Woods on Saturday. 7 Replies 1 Like
Started by Nomad Jack in Performances, How to Play, Lessons, Concerts. Last reply by J. D. Woods Apr 17. 7 Replies 2 Likes
Started by Moritz Voegeli in Building Secrets, Tips, Advice, Discussion. Last reply by Southern Ray Apr 14. 6 Replies 2 Likes
Started by Timothy Hunter in Other stuff - off topic, fun stuff, whatever. Last reply by Timothy Hunter Apr 10. 14 Replies 3 Likes
Started by Tom T in Building Secrets, Tips, Advice, Discussion. Last reply by Southern Ray Apr 9. 9 Replies 0 Likes
Started by Southern Ray in Building Secrets, Tips, Advice, Discussion. Last reply by Southern Ray Apr 4. 7 Replies 1 Like
Started by Timothy Hunter in Building Secrets, Tips, Advice, Discussion. Last reply by Southern Ray Mar 27. 1 Reply 2 Likes
Started by Taffy Evans in Building Secrets, Tips, Advice, Discussion. Last reply by Southern Ray Mar 10. 1 Reply 3 Likes
Started by Cigar Box Nation in Feature Articles. Last reply by BrianQ. Mar 9. 4 Replies 3 Likes
Started by Ghostbuttons in Building Secrets, Tips, Advice, Discussion. Last reply by Timothy Hunter Mar 9. 5 Replies 1 Like
Started by Justin Stanchfield in Building Secrets, Tips, Advice, Discussion. Last reply by Taffy Evans Mar 8. 6 Replies 0 Likes
Started by Ken I in Building Secrets, Tips, Advice, Discussion. Last reply by Brian partington Mar 8. 8 Replies 0 Likes
Started by Southern Ray in Cool gear discussion - that's not cigar box related. Last reply by Southern Ray Mar 6. 5 Replies 0 Likes
Started by Taffy Evans in Other stuff - off topic, fun stuff, whatever. Last reply by Taffy Evans Mar 5. 4 Replies 2 Likes
Started by Justin Stanchfield in Building Secrets, Tips, Advice, Discussion. Last reply by Carl Floyd Mar 1. 15 Replies 0 Likes
Started by Joe in Performances, How to Play, Lessons, Concerts. Last reply by Carl Floyd Feb 29. 13 Replies 0 Likes
Started by Chance in Building Secrets, Tips, Advice, Discussion. Last reply by Southern Ray Feb 22. 12 Replies 1 Like
Started by Cigar Box Nation in Feature Articles. Last reply by Southern Ray Feb 21. 2 Replies 4 Likes
Posted by Vlad on March 31, 2024 at 11:48pm 0 Comments 1 Like
Posted by Vlad on March 6, 2024 at 2:32am 5 Comments 2 Likes
Posted by billy jones bluez on February 28, 2024 at 2:09pm 0 Comments 0 Likes
Posted by billy jones bluez on February 17, 2024 at 11:00pm 0 Comments 0 Likes
Posted by Vlad on February 11, 2024 at 1:06am 1 Comment 1 Like
May 11, 2024 from 11am to 8pm – Speakeasy Grill
0 Comments 0 LikesMay 30, 2024 from 6:30pm to 10pm – The Casual Pint of Huntsville
0 Comments 0 Likes© 2024 Created by Ben "C. B. Gitty" Baker. Powered by
Cigar Box Nation is presented by C. B. Gitty Crafter Supply, your one-stop-shop for Cigar Box Guitar parts and accessories!